Tearing Apart Families

Yet again, this morning ICE (immigration and customs enforcement) was out doing raids. This is the third raid that I am aware of within the last month. They targets the same place of employment and apartment complex in the last two raids!

In the last raids, ICE used illegal tactics to detain individuals and take documentation. We are currently unaware of the details of this mornings raid. However, there is confirmation that at least one male has been detained by ICE.

How much more can a community take! Men are being ripped apart from their families! Young children are being traumatized by these raids! Women are being left to care for children without their fathers!

Anyone from Michigan that is not in support of these autrocities in our communities, please contact your state representative and tell them 'No to HB 6256'!

If you do not know your representative, look it up here... http://house.michigan.gov/find_a_rep.asp

And please contact the members of the Judiciary committee, where the bill is currently located...
http://www.house.mi.gov/committeeinfo.asp?lstcommittees=judiciary

Tell them you do not support local police enforcing federal laws by racial profiling! And Michigan cannot afford to be another Arizona!

To review HB 6256, go to https://www.legislature.mi.gov/(S(u3jvrga4qzd1mnnlgl2qbdvc))/mileg.aspx?page=getobject&objectname=2010-HB-6256

Don't Blink!

Well, life does seem to change rapidly!

In a couple months, there have been some changes in my life.

I am in a relationship which brings its own joys and challenges.

Being the social worker that I am and a completely unique and stubborn person, I had to allow a person to come into my life and bring a new set of complications.

Don't get me wrong, him as himself doesn't complicate my life. I am mostly happy. However, he is Latino. So, all you have to do is turn on the news or click on an online news story to know what complications have entered into my life.

I am using the word complications loosely here.

I have been interested in immigrant issues since moving to Ann Arbor. My apartment complex is probably about 60 to 70 percent Latino in its occupants with a good majority not fluent in English. There is a large Latino immigrant community in my area.

So, when I recently entered into a relationship with a foregin-born Latino man, this pushed me to be more involved.

I have a feeling that I will be doing a lot of posting on immigration issues particular to Latinos.

If you are interested in more information, please feel free to send me a message. There are a couple of blogs I am following who have experienced immigration issues first hand in their families and relationships.

Operation Healthy Life

Well...... Operation Healthy Life begins today! I am having an elliptical machine delivered and put together today!

The goal of Operation Healthy Life is to eat right, quit smoking, loss weight, and make healthy lifestyle changes.

I will be starting the the exercise portion of the plan. I will begin by working out on the elliptical for at least an half hour everyday. Once I am a little more in shape I will vary what I do to work out. Since it will be getting warmer soon, I will be able to do more stuff outside.

Once I get on a regular exercise regiment, I will then attempt to quit smoking. I am already at the point to try to quit smoking. I started on an anti-depressant about a month ago for mild depression. Being on the medication has already decreased the amount that I am currently smoking.

I don't eat completely unhealthy, but I am inconsistent in my eating habits. So, I am going to make better food choices and watch my portion size. I will probably start eating smaller more frequent meals to help with overeating. I will also be doing some meditation. In doing this, I will try to work out the baggage that has come with every pound of being obese.

So, Operation Healthy Life begins!

I will try to post my progress, pictures, weigh ins, and helpful tips for weight loss and healthy living.

Wish me luck!

Yours Truly With Love...

Love, what a complicated topic, which we all ponder and debate about. Love is expressed in so many different ways and in many varied forms as there are grains of sand on the beach.

My love for my son is unique. I remember when he was born in that flood of hormonal fluctuation thinking how unbelievably beautiful he was and how in the world I was going to take care of this small creature. Luckily, those early months, motherhood came naturally to me despite the least ideal conditions. Now that he is several years older, I feel more lost at how to take care of him than on that cold January day he was born. It's the times after a particularly trying day with him, when in the evening he falls sleep in my arms, that I am reminded of the angel he is... just like when he was first born.

Love evolves. It changes. Just as the love for my son changes with each passing year. I know that once he is an adult and on his own, the love I have for him will be every different than the love I have for him now.

My friends, I love them dearly! They are my family. They have been my greatest strength and support. I love them all in very different ways and forms. I have one female friend that we joke that she is my unofficial same-sex partner for a variety of reasons. I have another friend, who is male, who I secretly deemed my husband that I will never have. I have other friends whom after not seeing them for long periods of time it is like we have picked up just where we left off.

Now the purpose of this blog entry is to talk about love, you know the love that everyone assumes when you say the word love. In one of the last posts, I talk about a date that I had.

What I really want to talk about is the effect that 'love' has on us. Since the date on Friday night until today, I have been completely overrun with the thought and urge to want to spend more time with this person. So much so that I could not focus on anything else. Well, I did not daily stuff, played Wii with my son, cooked dinner, read a book, and all that but it was difficult. Because all I wanted to do was spend time with him. When I thought about parts of Friday night, my stomach got butterflies, my face would blush, and I would smile.

Why is it an intelligent, college education, tough broad like myself can't control this thoughts of mine? Why must my brain be overrun by 'silly girly' thoughts? Why is my urge to spend time with someone so strong it could be compared to an addition?

I know. I know. Brain and body chemistry and all that good stuff.

But seriously, why do we long for love? Why is it our mission in life to find that one person to love? Why do we get pulled into the complicated mess that love makes when we put together to different people with different thoughts, emotions, and lives?

I have made a LOT of mistakes in the past about the whole love business. I have allowed myself to fall when I should have been running as fast as possible in the opposite direction. I have pushed someone way in my diluted teenager ideals while in high school. I have come on too strong in the past and 'scared' people away. And other times, I probably appeared to be too distant to be approached.

At this point, I would love to hear some people's stories, ideals of love, experiences with relationships, and what you think is love. Please feel free to share my link to this blog posts with your friends. I would love to hear anyone's input on this.... the good, bad and the ugly.

Relay for Life

I will be participating this year with Relay for Life. My grandmother is a survivor of breast cancer and I have had other family members who have had different forms of cancer. So, a group of friends have started a team and we will be walking! Click on the title of this blog to donate. If you feel inclined to support us, please donate. This is such an important cause! Everyone's lifes are touched by cancer! Please give!

It's Been A While...

Well, it's been a while since I have written. And a lot has happened in my life that I could write about.

However, I want to talk about a date that I had last night. But, before I get to the events of last night, I need to lay out the history behind this date.

I moved out to the area that I live at now, because I was to start graduate school about an half hour from the city of Detroit.

So, when I moved out here, I would go to the local gas station. As I would regularly stop by this gas station, I got to know one of the workers. He is gorgeous and had a great personality. Over the past few months, I developed mild depression along with all the life situations that a single mother has to deal with in daily living. When I would go in and had a bad day, he would actually ask what was going on and appeared to genuinely care.

Sometimes I would stop in the store to get a pop or something small just so that I could see him and talk for a few precious moments with him. So, one day, with the encouragement of some online friends, I got brave enough to call up to the store and ask him out for coffee.

We squeezed coffee in between our busy schedules.

He was very honest with me about his situation. He had been divorced within the past year and wasn't sure that he was ready for a relationship, but wanted to start out as friends and see how things goes.

Fast forward five months is when this movie date occured. In the five months that pasted between our coffee date to the movie date, I almost wrote him off as being 'just not that into me'. (And yes, I read the book. And of course, I still secretly hope that I am the exception.)

But, I couldn't just give up. He seemed genuinely interested in me. I didn't feel like him telling me that he is busy and life is complicated was an excuse, but a true reason. So, I didn't give up. I pursued him a little. I know women aren't suppose to do that, but I did.

Well, I bugged him for a couple weeks about going to see a movie. So, last night we did.

He picked me up about 9:30 pm. He was driving because we were going to a movie theater that I had never been to before. I choose the movie, The Wolfman. (I would NOT recommend the movie unless you like graphic blood and guts.) Most of the movie I had my head turned and my hand covering my mouth and face.

OH! Don't let me forget to tell this part. Considering it was St. Valentine's weekend. I stopped at the store after dropping my son off at the sitter's. I bought a card and a tiny brown bear with a red ribbon. I tried to make the card and the bear as 'friend-friendly' as possible. Because going into the date, I had no clue whether it was a date or just two friends going to the movies. So, once we got to the movie theater, I told him that I had something for him. I pulled the bear and card out of my purse and told him Happy Valentine's Day. He told me that I was crazy and that I shouldn't have spend my money on him. But he told me he really liked the bear and thanked me. He hadn't looked at the card. I didn't write anything in it, just put his name at the top of the greeting and mine at the bottom. I had also sprayed the bear with the perfume that I wore that night.

Anyways, fast forward to the movie, I so wanted to touch him. I wanted to hold his hand. At some point our legs where touching and he didn't move his leg. I so wanted to hold his hand. Then he touched my knee, so I eventually slid my hand down to his and he squeezed my hand when I placed it in his. So, for the movie, we held hands.

On the way back to my place, we chit-chatted in the car. We pulled up to my apartment and talked for a few minutes more. When he leaned over to give me a hug good-bye, he kissed me on the cheek. I didn't expect that. We started to release our embrace and I kissed him on the cheek. We then kissed on the lips.

He came into my apartment for a little while. And not to get into any more detail, he didn't push his limits and I behaved myself. But, kissing him was wonderful.

Being in the moment with him was wonderful. It was more than I would have expected.

But, because there is always a but, I am hesitant. He seems wonderful. He seems to care about me as a person.

He has said a couple times now that I don't have to worry about arranging for a sitter that he has no problem with my son around or doing something that my son can do also. There is two things that scare me about this (1) that he might actually care for me and wants to get to know my son and (2) that I don't want to expose my son to someone that might not be around that long, but long enough for my son to be attached. I know that I have to have a conversation with him about the latter; though I want to do it in person.

As a single mother, I am beyond tired of meeting guys that are only interested in jumping in the sack with me or meeting someone that I like and not to have them like me back. I know this is an issue with all single women, but when you also have a child to think about, you tend to worry a little more about these things.

I wish that I was able to see him tonight, but he had already had plans. But when I spoke with him, he mentioned that the bear smelled good. And he said the same thing to me last night about the perfume that I was wearing. So, obviously, I am on his mind. I hope for the right reasons.

A good book is a girl's bestfriend!

Well, despite, probably needing to be reading important stuff for my classes (or at least reading ahead), during the end of winter break and this first week of class I was able to finish two books: 'Women Are Crazy Men Are Stupid' by Howard Morris & Jenny Lee and 'he's just not that into you' by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo. Both excellent books in my opinion.

These two books, I feel (of course it's my blog... ha ha), need to be standard reading material for all single people, guys included! Now, all the guys are saying 'WHAT! Are you crazy? Me ... read a book that is going to bash guys! Say how horrible we are.... etc etc etc'.

But, I don't think that they are guy bashing books, in all honesty.

In WACMAS (sorry just made up the abbreviation), the female author actually comes off as being unreasonable in my opinion... and the guy shows true learning and such.

In hjntiy (that one doesn't look as nice), yet again, it appears that the guy (who is the lead writer in the book) gets it more than the female co-writer. Yes, granted in this book, he is an observer and partipant in this book's theme, but he still appears to be more willing to look at things objectively without 'over-emotion'.

That's what I got out of the two books... is at times, as females, we get to emotionally wrapped up in nothing, what I mean is nothing that has substance.

The hope of a new and exciting relationship.... is just that hope. (A good thing to have, but not to throw your lifesavings into it!)

The signs that appear that someone might be interested... signs are subjective. (Unless they are engraved in cold hard metal bolted to a pole which is cemented into the ground!)

Women get crazy. Yes, I will definately be the fist women to step up to the podium 'Hi! My name is Tanya. And I am crazy! It all started when I ....'

And like WACMES talks about... women get crazy when their men don't understand their feelings, emotions or girlie thoughts about a situation. How can they? Seriously, let's think about this.... Guys approach stuff in a 'facts, only the facts' point of view. (for the most part... I understand that I am generalizing here) Where women relate an emotion to the fact... or future possible fact... the what would it be like fact... the is he the one fact... Well, you get the point.

So, in conclusion, I would highly recommend anyone read those two books!

I wonder...

Have you ever been on a walking? While walking, you look at the houses that line the street and wonder what's going on in them. Are they messy like me? Do they have all their dvd's organized and on a shelf? Is there dirty dishes in the sink? Are they watching tv? Reading a book?

I wonder... I don't know if those are the exact thoughts that go through my head. I know I wonder how they have their furniture arranged? Would I have it set up differently?

I think isn't normal to wonder. It is also normal for us to compare. It's just one way for understanding life.

Have you ever watched any of the reality shows where they film in someone's home? Do you think they normally look like that? Do they clean before the film crew comes in? Is it like when you plan on having people over, you quickly scrub the toliet and make sure the dirty clothes makes it into the laundry basket?

Hmmmmm.... I guess I will never know, unless I start knocking on doors and inviting myself in! (And like that's really going to happen.)

Rule #1

Okay... Rule #1: Don't blog when under any emotional response! (LOL) I am apologizing but not apologizing for my grammar and spelling errors in my last blog post. I haven't corrected them for the simple fact that they were created while I was upset/irritated/whatever you want to call my mood at the time.

So.... there it is I guess.

Uphill, in the snow, and with paper bags on my feet...

Well, it's been an interesting few days to say the least!

Let's start with Monday. I had a great day shopping with my friend. On Sunday, I got a really nice bookcase and twin matresses set from my son's teacher. So, I went to the Salvation Army to get a headboard and frame. This was smack dab in the middle of the shopping excursion. We did the whole gamitt... shoes, mall, lunch... you know that whole girly shopping thing, which I don't get to do that often.

So, when I get home in the evening after getting my son from school, I attempt to put together the frame. It was not working. There was no way that it was right! (Now, granted, I can put just about anything together, I just don't have much patience. I often have the sailor come out in me when it comes to following directions.) So, I called up to the Salvation Army to talk to a manager and explain that I think I got the wrong frame. She explained to me that it was adjustable. I said okay, I'll try it again. When I went back into the bedroom, there was nothing on it to adjust. I compared the metal bars to the matresses and the headboard. There was absolutely NO way that this was right. I called back again and asked the manager to compare the numbers/letters that were stamped on the box. She complied and went in the back. She concluded with me that I was given the wrong one. So, at like 8 pm at night with no dinner, I am running up there to take what I have back and get the right one... all with a kido in tow! A whining crying kid who totally needed to be getting ready for bed, not running with me.

Okay... bed put together and love it!

Now on to Tuesday! I got kido off to school and I then drove to the University for classes. I got to the classroom. I sat down. I looked around. I realized that something wasn't right.... there was no one there. So, I go down to the computer lab, with weird looks from administration staff. I look at my schedule and classes don't start until WEDNESDAY!!!! Ugh! I just paid 90 cents to park for just over a 1/2 hour! OH well!
I did get to flirt with my favorite gas station attendant, who I tried to convince to see a movie with me this weekend. We'll set if it actually pans out.

Now Wednesday, it went well. I had a faculty candidate lunch that I attended and a class which I think I am going to really enjoy.

Now on to today! Went fairly well... I had a morning class, which I think I will enjoy also. But this is the kicker. The teacher sent my son to afterschool care and not to the bus. Which in her defense, his schedule changed because my schedule changed. So, I had to drive up to get him. Which at this time, the teacher explains to me that the school social work sent an assessment that I need to fill out.

Let me jump back for a moment to fill in the details. My son has had some trouble learning and making learning gains at school. We are now in a good school district where this would be noticed. So, now in first grade, he is behind the other students and struggling.

I have been pushing a little for this to be figured out and the teacher agrees that something must be done.

I checked my email for the assessement... the reason that I missed it is because it came under his name only, not the school email address. And he listed it as the tests name, when I was not expecting an email. As a graduate student, I receive tons of emails. I am suprised that I just didn't delete it, instead of just skipping over it.

So, as I am completely the assessment that he deemed for 'attentional' issues, *rolls eyes* it hits me, yes there is a really good chance that he has ADHD. I figured that is what the assessment was for (Conner's). So of course I google it just to make sure because they ask from pretty scary questions on it about extereme aggressive behavior.

As a parent, I am completely derailed! I have a bachelor's degree in social work and a minor in psychology with a focus on children and women. So, I am not ignorant about the disorder. As, parents, we tend to put so much blame on ourselves for our children's behavior and learning. On one hand, I wish that it was someting I was doing as a parent, so I can fix it. But absolutely nothing has worked! On the other hand, it's kinda good to have it 'labeled' eventhough as a parent we never want our children labeled. And there is the confusion of wanting our children to have an easy life without difficulties. However, a friend of mine (my shopping buddy from earlier in the week) reminded me that the difficulties in life is what builds character and makes your stronger.

All I can say is... what a week!

What if life was a movie...

I love watching movies. I don't get to do it that often and almost rarely get to go to the theater to watch them. But since, it was winter break, I made it to the rental store and picked up some good movies. I just got done watching The Brothers Bloom, great movie! I would highly recommend you watch it.

But, the thing with me watching movies are.... I think too much. Not that I think too much while watching the movie, but after. How great would life be if it was a movie... traveling the world, hoping on a flight to some exotic locale, being part of an elaborate con (like in The Brothers Bloom), finding love, and living life. Watching movies is a complete escape for me as long as it's a good movie. And when the credit roll, I realize that I am back to reality.

My reality is that I am a single mother with responsiblities. I have a child that I have to take care of and any wish to travel the world is nearly impossible at the moment. I do want to travel, but know that I will probably not be able to do it any time soon. I still have quite a few years until I am done with my educational goals, which delays any chance to have the funds to travel anywhere besides to the grocery store. My son is still young, so I wouldn't be able to drag him around the world until he was in his teens. So for now, I will have to stick to paying around $5 for a movie rental to take me around the world.

If life was a movie wouldn't it be grand!

What is life without friends...

Well... I couldn't just leave my blog with only an introduction post. So, I am going to talk a little about friends.

I do have to say I have some of the BEST friends in the whole wide world! (Well, at least, I think so!) Did you know friends come in all different shapes, sizes, and even forms! Forms, you say, Yes! forms. There are best friends, good friends, real-life friends, online friends, friends you only see once in a blue moon, work friends, school friends, new friends, and old friends... and the list goes on and on.

Now part of the reason that I say that I have the BEST friends in the whole wide world is because for the most part and most of them are my 'family'. (Now everyone has messed up families, but mine in some aspects just might take the cake or at least the trophy at the pie eating contest. However, this is a topic for many many blogs and I am focusing on friends here!)

Last night, (well technically the night before), after a whole bottle of Asti and sitting home with a child who fell asleep before midnight, I was getting a little bummed about the whole being single and spending New Year's Eve without a significant other. So, I see that one of my online friends is on.

So, I call him on the phone. He is kinda like me... a straight shooter. He definately is tackful, but will tell it how it is. My conversation with him was definately a good thing. He immediately pointed out how it is to be a single parent. (He himself is a single parent of two boys.) So, we can related on this point and he is great to talk to about advice on raising a boy. He also pointed out all the things that I am doing right. (Just a little background information, he is my online friend from a dating/socializing site.) He pointed out that I am the only person from the site that has goals in life and is working hard towards them. He reminded me to focus on my son and school and not worry about meeting someone and not to settle. I know that I am not relating the conversation exactly how it happened but the point is... that he pointed out stuff that I tend to forget, the good stuff. The stuff that gets lost in the struggle of pursuing goals and dreams, in the frustration of being a single parent, and just plain living life with a rusty spoon in your mouth.

It is always good to have the BEST friends in the world to remind you of what you forget to see.

And I shall sign off for now....

Introduction

I assume for my first post that I should introduce myself and say a little about my purpose to writing a blog.

Introductions first... First and foremost, I am a single mother of a wonderful young school-aged boy. I am a graduate student in a Masters program (and hopefully within the next year or so a doctoral student). My political views range from liberal to conservative, but basically fall somewhere around the middle like most Americans. I like many single mothers am in search for 'love' but am independent enough to be okay without it. I am heading into my 30s but it doesn't scare me. However, mostly, I feel like I have experienced a lot of life, but still have so much more to learn.

As I may have hinted at in describing myself, I hope with this blog to talk not only about myself, but my experiences. I hope to in part some kind of twisted wisdom or insight to those that read this. I have no doubt that my posts will be riddled with typos and grammatical errors. I also know that I may not completely be able to put into words coherently my thoughts, but I will do my best. My posts will range from life, love, and daily nonsense. One day I may post some deep life question that I have been pondering over, another day it might be a topic discussed in one of my graduate classes, the next day it could be my joys or frustrations at being a single parent, or could be one incident in the long saga of my pursuit of love.

All I know is that I hope that my words reach out to someone... And please let me know if they do!