Yours Truly With Love...

Love, what a complicated topic, which we all ponder and debate about. Love is expressed in so many different ways and in many varied forms as there are grains of sand on the beach.

My love for my son is unique. I remember when he was born in that flood of hormonal fluctuation thinking how unbelievably beautiful he was and how in the world I was going to take care of this small creature. Luckily, those early months, motherhood came naturally to me despite the least ideal conditions. Now that he is several years older, I feel more lost at how to take care of him than on that cold January day he was born. It's the times after a particularly trying day with him, when in the evening he falls sleep in my arms, that I am reminded of the angel he is... just like when he was first born.

Love evolves. It changes. Just as the love for my son changes with each passing year. I know that once he is an adult and on his own, the love I have for him will be every different than the love I have for him now.

My friends, I love them dearly! They are my family. They have been my greatest strength and support. I love them all in very different ways and forms. I have one female friend that we joke that she is my unofficial same-sex partner for a variety of reasons. I have another friend, who is male, who I secretly deemed my husband that I will never have. I have other friends whom after not seeing them for long periods of time it is like we have picked up just where we left off.

Now the purpose of this blog entry is to talk about love, you know the love that everyone assumes when you say the word love. In one of the last posts, I talk about a date that I had.

What I really want to talk about is the effect that 'love' has on us. Since the date on Friday night until today, I have been completely overrun with the thought and urge to want to spend more time with this person. So much so that I could not focus on anything else. Well, I did not daily stuff, played Wii with my son, cooked dinner, read a book, and all that but it was difficult. Because all I wanted to do was spend time with him. When I thought about parts of Friday night, my stomach got butterflies, my face would blush, and I would smile.

Why is it an intelligent, college education, tough broad like myself can't control this thoughts of mine? Why must my brain be overrun by 'silly girly' thoughts? Why is my urge to spend time with someone so strong it could be compared to an addition?

I know. I know. Brain and body chemistry and all that good stuff.

But seriously, why do we long for love? Why is it our mission in life to find that one person to love? Why do we get pulled into the complicated mess that love makes when we put together to different people with different thoughts, emotions, and lives?

I have made a LOT of mistakes in the past about the whole love business. I have allowed myself to fall when I should have been running as fast as possible in the opposite direction. I have pushed someone way in my diluted teenager ideals while in high school. I have come on too strong in the past and 'scared' people away. And other times, I probably appeared to be too distant to be approached.

At this point, I would love to hear some people's stories, ideals of love, experiences with relationships, and what you think is love. Please feel free to share my link to this blog posts with your friends. I would love to hear anyone's input on this.... the good, bad and the ugly.

What is life without friends...

Well... I couldn't just leave my blog with only an introduction post. So, I am going to talk a little about friends.

I do have to say I have some of the BEST friends in the whole wide world! (Well, at least, I think so!) Did you know friends come in all different shapes, sizes, and even forms! Forms, you say, Yes! forms. There are best friends, good friends, real-life friends, online friends, friends you only see once in a blue moon, work friends, school friends, new friends, and old friends... and the list goes on and on.

Now part of the reason that I say that I have the BEST friends in the whole wide world is because for the most part and most of them are my 'family'. (Now everyone has messed up families, but mine in some aspects just might take the cake or at least the trophy at the pie eating contest. However, this is a topic for many many blogs and I am focusing on friends here!)

Last night, (well technically the night before), after a whole bottle of Asti and sitting home with a child who fell asleep before midnight, I was getting a little bummed about the whole being single and spending New Year's Eve without a significant other. So, I see that one of my online friends is on.

So, I call him on the phone. He is kinda like me... a straight shooter. He definately is tackful, but will tell it how it is. My conversation with him was definately a good thing. He immediately pointed out how it is to be a single parent. (He himself is a single parent of two boys.) So, we can related on this point and he is great to talk to about advice on raising a boy. He also pointed out all the things that I am doing right. (Just a little background information, he is my online friend from a dating/socializing site.) He pointed out that I am the only person from the site that has goals in life and is working hard towards them. He reminded me to focus on my son and school and not worry about meeting someone and not to settle. I know that I am not relating the conversation exactly how it happened but the point is... that he pointed out stuff that I tend to forget, the good stuff. The stuff that gets lost in the struggle of pursuing goals and dreams, in the frustration of being a single parent, and just plain living life with a rusty spoon in your mouth.

It is always good to have the BEST friends in the world to remind you of what you forget to see.

And I shall sign off for now....