Love, what a complicated topic, which we all ponder and debate about. Love is expressed in so many different ways and in many varied forms as there are grains of sand on the beach.
My love for my son is unique. I remember when he was born in that flood of hormonal fluctuation thinking how unbelievably beautiful he was and how in the world I was going to take care of this small creature. Luckily, those early months, motherhood came naturally to me despite the least ideal conditions. Now that he is several years older, I feel more lost at how to take care of him than on that cold January day he was born. It's the times after a particularly trying day with him, when in the evening he falls sleep in my arms, that I am reminded of the angel he is... just like when he was first born.
Love evolves. It changes. Just as the love for my son changes with each passing year. I know that once he is an adult and on his own, the love I have for him will be every different than the love I have for him now.
My friends, I love them dearly! They are my family. They have been my greatest strength and support. I love them all in very different ways and forms. I have one female friend that we joke that she is my unofficial same-sex partner for a variety of reasons. I have another friend, who is male, who I secretly deemed my husband that I will never have. I have other friends whom after not seeing them for long periods of time it is like we have picked up just where we left off.
Now the purpose of this blog entry is to talk about love, you know the love that everyone assumes when you say the word love. In one of the last posts, I talk about a date that I had.
What I really want to talk about is the effect that 'love' has on us. Since the date on Friday night until today, I have been completely overrun with the thought and urge to want to spend more time with this person. So much so that I could not focus on anything else. Well, I did not daily stuff, played Wii with my son, cooked dinner, read a book, and all that but it was difficult. Because all I wanted to do was spend time with him. When I thought about parts of Friday night, my stomach got butterflies, my face would blush, and I would smile.
Why is it an intelligent, college education, tough broad like myself can't control this thoughts of mine? Why must my brain be overrun by 'silly girly' thoughts? Why is my urge to spend time with someone so strong it could be compared to an addition?
I know. I know. Brain and body chemistry and all that good stuff.
But seriously, why do we long for love? Why is it our mission in life to find that one person to love? Why do we get pulled into the complicated mess that love makes when we put together to different people with different thoughts, emotions, and lives?
I have made a LOT of mistakes in the past about the whole love business. I have allowed myself to fall when I should have been running as fast as possible in the opposite direction. I have pushed someone way in my diluted teenager ideals while in high school. I have come on too strong in the past and 'scared' people away. And other times, I probably appeared to be too distant to be approached.
At this point, I would love to hear some people's stories, ideals of love, experiences with relationships, and what you think is love. Please feel free to share my link to this blog posts with your friends. I would love to hear anyone's input on this.... the good, bad and the ugly.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Relay for Life
I will be participating this year with Relay for Life. My grandmother is a survivor of breast cancer and I have had other family members who have had different forms of cancer. So, a group of friends have started a team and we will be walking! Click on the title of this blog to donate. If you feel inclined to support us, please donate. This is such an important cause! Everyone's lifes are touched by cancer! Please give!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
It's Been A While...
Well, it's been a while since I have written. And a lot has happened in my life that I could write about.
However, I want to talk about a date that I had last night. But, before I get to the events of last night, I need to lay out the history behind this date.
I moved out to the area that I live at now, because I was to start graduate school about an half hour from the city of Detroit.
So, when I moved out here, I would go to the local gas station. As I would regularly stop by this gas station, I got to know one of the workers. He is gorgeous and had a great personality. Over the past few months, I developed mild depression along with all the life situations that a single mother has to deal with in daily living. When I would go in and had a bad day, he would actually ask what was going on and appeared to genuinely care.
Sometimes I would stop in the store to get a pop or something small just so that I could see him and talk for a few precious moments with him. So, one day, with the encouragement of some online friends, I got brave enough to call up to the store and ask him out for coffee.
We squeezed coffee in between our busy schedules.
He was very honest with me about his situation. He had been divorced within the past year and wasn't sure that he was ready for a relationship, but wanted to start out as friends and see how things goes.
Fast forward five months is when this movie date occured. In the five months that pasted between our coffee date to the movie date, I almost wrote him off as being 'just not that into me'. (And yes, I read the book. And of course, I still secretly hope that I am the exception.)
But, I couldn't just give up. He seemed genuinely interested in me. I didn't feel like him telling me that he is busy and life is complicated was an excuse, but a true reason. So, I didn't give up. I pursued him a little. I know women aren't suppose to do that, but I did.
Well, I bugged him for a couple weeks about going to see a movie. So, last night we did.
He picked me up about 9:30 pm. He was driving because we were going to a movie theater that I had never been to before. I choose the movie, The Wolfman. (I would NOT recommend the movie unless you like graphic blood and guts.) Most of the movie I had my head turned and my hand covering my mouth and face.
OH! Don't let me forget to tell this part. Considering it was St. Valentine's weekend. I stopped at the store after dropping my son off at the sitter's. I bought a card and a tiny brown bear with a red ribbon. I tried to make the card and the bear as 'friend-friendly' as possible. Because going into the date, I had no clue whether it was a date or just two friends going to the movies. So, once we got to the movie theater, I told him that I had something for him. I pulled the bear and card out of my purse and told him Happy Valentine's Day. He told me that I was crazy and that I shouldn't have spend my money on him. But he told me he really liked the bear and thanked me. He hadn't looked at the card. I didn't write anything in it, just put his name at the top of the greeting and mine at the bottom. I had also sprayed the bear with the perfume that I wore that night.
Anyways, fast forward to the movie, I so wanted to touch him. I wanted to hold his hand. At some point our legs where touching and he didn't move his leg. I so wanted to hold his hand. Then he touched my knee, so I eventually slid my hand down to his and he squeezed my hand when I placed it in his. So, for the movie, we held hands.
On the way back to my place, we chit-chatted in the car. We pulled up to my apartment and talked for a few minutes more. When he leaned over to give me a hug good-bye, he kissed me on the cheek. I didn't expect that. We started to release our embrace and I kissed him on the cheek. We then kissed on the lips.
He came into my apartment for a little while. And not to get into any more detail, he didn't push his limits and I behaved myself. But, kissing him was wonderful.
Being in the moment with him was wonderful. It was more than I would have expected.
But, because there is always a but, I am hesitant. He seems wonderful. He seems to care about me as a person.
He has said a couple times now that I don't have to worry about arranging for a sitter that he has no problem with my son around or doing something that my son can do also. There is two things that scare me about this (1) that he might actually care for me and wants to get to know my son and (2) that I don't want to expose my son to someone that might not be around that long, but long enough for my son to be attached. I know that I have to have a conversation with him about the latter; though I want to do it in person.
As a single mother, I am beyond tired of meeting guys that are only interested in jumping in the sack with me or meeting someone that I like and not to have them like me back. I know this is an issue with all single women, but when you also have a child to think about, you tend to worry a little more about these things.
I wish that I was able to see him tonight, but he had already had plans. But when I spoke with him, he mentioned that the bear smelled good. And he said the same thing to me last night about the perfume that I was wearing. So, obviously, I am on his mind. I hope for the right reasons.
However, I want to talk about a date that I had last night. But, before I get to the events of last night, I need to lay out the history behind this date.
I moved out to the area that I live at now, because I was to start graduate school about an half hour from the city of Detroit.
So, when I moved out here, I would go to the local gas station. As I would regularly stop by this gas station, I got to know one of the workers. He is gorgeous and had a great personality. Over the past few months, I developed mild depression along with all the life situations that a single mother has to deal with in daily living. When I would go in and had a bad day, he would actually ask what was going on and appeared to genuinely care.
Sometimes I would stop in the store to get a pop or something small just so that I could see him and talk for a few precious moments with him. So, one day, with the encouragement of some online friends, I got brave enough to call up to the store and ask him out for coffee.
We squeezed coffee in between our busy schedules.
He was very honest with me about his situation. He had been divorced within the past year and wasn't sure that he was ready for a relationship, but wanted to start out as friends and see how things goes.
Fast forward five months is when this movie date occured. In the five months that pasted between our coffee date to the movie date, I almost wrote him off as being 'just not that into me'. (And yes, I read the book. And of course, I still secretly hope that I am the exception.)
But, I couldn't just give up. He seemed genuinely interested in me. I didn't feel like him telling me that he is busy and life is complicated was an excuse, but a true reason. So, I didn't give up. I pursued him a little. I know women aren't suppose to do that, but I did.
Well, I bugged him for a couple weeks about going to see a movie. So, last night we did.
He picked me up about 9:30 pm. He was driving because we were going to a movie theater that I had never been to before. I choose the movie, The Wolfman. (I would NOT recommend the movie unless you like graphic blood and guts.) Most of the movie I had my head turned and my hand covering my mouth and face.
OH! Don't let me forget to tell this part. Considering it was St. Valentine's weekend. I stopped at the store after dropping my son off at the sitter's. I bought a card and a tiny brown bear with a red ribbon. I tried to make the card and the bear as 'friend-friendly' as possible. Because going into the date, I had no clue whether it was a date or just two friends going to the movies. So, once we got to the movie theater, I told him that I had something for him. I pulled the bear and card out of my purse and told him Happy Valentine's Day. He told me that I was crazy and that I shouldn't have spend my money on him. But he told me he really liked the bear and thanked me. He hadn't looked at the card. I didn't write anything in it, just put his name at the top of the greeting and mine at the bottom. I had also sprayed the bear with the perfume that I wore that night.
Anyways, fast forward to the movie, I so wanted to touch him. I wanted to hold his hand. At some point our legs where touching and he didn't move his leg. I so wanted to hold his hand. Then he touched my knee, so I eventually slid my hand down to his and he squeezed my hand when I placed it in his. So, for the movie, we held hands.
On the way back to my place, we chit-chatted in the car. We pulled up to my apartment and talked for a few minutes more. When he leaned over to give me a hug good-bye, he kissed me on the cheek. I didn't expect that. We started to release our embrace and I kissed him on the cheek. We then kissed on the lips.
He came into my apartment for a little while. And not to get into any more detail, he didn't push his limits and I behaved myself. But, kissing him was wonderful.
Being in the moment with him was wonderful. It was more than I would have expected.
But, because there is always a but, I am hesitant. He seems wonderful. He seems to care about me as a person.
He has said a couple times now that I don't have to worry about arranging for a sitter that he has no problem with my son around or doing something that my son can do also. There is two things that scare me about this (1) that he might actually care for me and wants to get to know my son and (2) that I don't want to expose my son to someone that might not be around that long, but long enough for my son to be attached. I know that I have to have a conversation with him about the latter; though I want to do it in person.
As a single mother, I am beyond tired of meeting guys that are only interested in jumping in the sack with me or meeting someone that I like and not to have them like me back. I know this is an issue with all single women, but when you also have a child to think about, you tend to worry a little more about these things.
I wish that I was able to see him tonight, but he had already had plans. But when I spoke with him, he mentioned that the bear smelled good. And he said the same thing to me last night about the perfume that I was wearing. So, obviously, I am on his mind. I hope for the right reasons.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)